


Where You Belong

by LeftShark



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Angry krags, Crack, LITERALLY, M/M, Pure Crack, ahaha, mean peter, peter puts the babies in the trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 03:49:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6640198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeftShark/pseuds/LeftShark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter doesn't really like his new siblings.</p><p>Kraglin likes to put people in their place.</p><p>(Spinoff of Write_Like_An_American's fic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where You Belong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Write_like_an_American](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Write_like_an_American/gifts).



> This is pure crack.
> 
> Don't even take it seriously.
> 
> I just like the idea of Peter not being too fond of the blue beans.

"You want to hold them."

"Um, kinda?" Peter looks down at the small children occupying Yondu's arms.

"That wasn't a question, boy." Yondu shuffles closer, placing one of the babies in Peter's arms. Once that child was adjusted, Yondu placed her twin beside her. "If you wanted to hold them you coulda said something a lot sooner." Yondu began to flex his arms, attempting to regain feeling in them. "They were gettin kinda heavy."

Peter looks down at the babies again. The girl is staring curiously up at him with her giant red eyes. The boy's eyes are slipping closed as he falls asleep.

Peter hates them so much.

"Lookit that," Yondu teases, reaching up to mockingly pinch one of Peter's cheeks. "Big brother Petey's lookin' after his siblings."

Peter keeps his head down to hide the blush thats crawling up his face.

"Well, since you touched 'em last, you gotta deal with them until me or Krags want 'em back...which won't be for a coupl'a hours, so...have fun!" And with that, Yondu leaves to room.

"Okay, you little shits," Peter mumbles. The girls attempting to gnaw his fingers off with her sharp teeth. "Stop that."

She looks up at him, chirrups, and releases his finger from between her teeth. "Good girl..." She settles back against the crook of his arm, making herself more comfortable. "That's right, follow in your brother's footsteps, go to sleep you little monster." In her haste to get comfortable, she kicks her brother. Hard.

His eyes shoot open, and he begins to screech louder than a siren, causing Peter to flinch. The girl begins to scream, too.

"Shhh," Peter tries to shush them. "Hush...shut up, please. Uhhh...um..." He tries to think of what to do, and singing comes to mind. He's pretty sure his mom sang to him when he was a baby. It should work. "Uhh...Oooh child, things are gonna get easier, ooh child things'll get brighter! Pleeease shut up, both of you are annoying as fu~ck. Please get out of my life now~"

He's glad Yondu's not here. He'd probably punch Peter in the jaw. (Though, he's not entirely sure if it would truly be that bad. A few days ago, Yondu tried to punch him, but instead ended up slinging an arm around his shoulder and awkwardly hugging him. His parental sensors must've read Peter as one of his children, because it was totally awkward, and when Yondu tried to punch him again, it ended up as an awkward pat on the cheek.)

The babies quiet down to listen to Peter for a moment, then their shrieks turn to happy noises that Peter has deemed as "Q-Bert noises". It's the best way he can describe the language of Yondu's people.

The boy reaches a pudgy hand up and grasps Peter's shirt, using it as leverage to pull himself in to a kind-of-sitting position.

"Stop!" Peter wants to shove him down, but his other arm is occupied. "You're stretching my shirt out, you little screaming shitbag!" The boy replies in more Q-Bert gurgles, and stuffs the part of Peter's shirt that's grasped in his hand in to his mouth. "Gross! You're getting spit all over me!"

The girl coos happily at Peter's distress.

"I don't know what you're laughing at, you little witch," Peter glares down at her. "This isn't funny...Keep it up and I'm tossing both of you crying piss machines in to the trash!"

A smile crosses his face as he gets an idea. "Actually...I'll just go ahead and do it anyways!"

He looks for the nearest trashcan and uses his knee to nudge the lid off. Luckily, there's nothing in the trashcan. Which means more room for the babies.

"In you go, you little fuckers!" They make curious noises at him as he lowers them inside. "Where you belong."

He dusts his hands off when he stands back to admire his work. And now that his hands are free...

He sticks both of his middle fingers up. "Aha! You little shits!"

Happy with himself, Peter skips off to go do whatever it is Peters do when they aren't babysitting.

 

Yondu whistles as he strides through the hall. He's tossing an empty bottle up and catching it in his hand as he does so.

When the trashcan is in range, he tosses the bottle and it goes flying through the air and in to the trash bin. He grins to himself. Damn he's good.

From the trashcan comes and angry grumble, and the bottle is sloppily tossed back out. It hits the ground and Yondu's surprised it doesn't break in to pieces.

Confused, he picks it up and tosses it back in to the trashcan.

But it's after he gets a glimpse of what's inside.

He fumbles forward to try and catch the bottle, but it's too late.

It falls in and hits one of the children directly on the head.

There's a moment of quiet as he takes a deep breath to fill his tiny baby lungs with air, then he starts wailing louder than he's ever wailed in his short life.

Yondu reaches down to grab him, bouncing him in his arms in an attempt to calm him down.

Kraglin dashes in to the room moving faster than the speed of sound. (Yondu didn't even hear him until after he appeared beside him.) "What happened!?"

This looks bad. One of the babies is in the trash, and Yondu's standing directly above it, holding the other one.

"You put our babies in the trashcan!? What the fuck, Yondu!?" Kraglin scoops the girl up, takes the boy from Yondu, and glares at the man. "What the fuck were you thinking!?"

"I didn't--"

"What's wrong with you!?"

"It wasnt--"

"You can't put our babies in the trash bin, Yondu!" Kraglin kicks Yondu hard, causing him to fall over and in to the bin. His knees are pressed up against his chest. His body's folded in half and he's stuck. His feet and head poke out, but he can't pull himself free.

"I didn't do it, Kraglin!" Yondu snarls. "I left the kids with Peter, and when I came back, they were in the trash can!" He leaves the part out about hitting their son on the head with a glass beer bottle.

"Peter," Kraglin snarls. Yondu wants to laugh out loud, but he decides against it. (It's like the hyenas in the Lion King whispering Mufasa's name over and over again.) Kraglin's already pissed off. He doesn't wanna make it worse.

"Wait! Krag--Come back! Don't leave me here!"

But Kraglin's already leaving, a child tucked in each arm.

He sets the babies down on his bed, where he knows they'll be safe, then goes to find Peter.

The kid's talking to some of the newer recruits, probably exaggerating some kind of story. Kraglin marches up to him and manhandled him in to a head lock. "The resta ya, scram. I need to have a serious talk with this boy." The group's disperses. None of them stick around to eavesdrop.

There's no talking at all.

Kraglin shoves Peter in to the nearest trash bin. He's in a similar position to Yondu.

But it doesn't end there.

Kraglin drags the bin all the way to sit beside Yondu's.

"Both of you idiots need to learn how to deal with children!" He scolds. "I should have both of ya put in a mental hospital!"

"It wasn't me!" Yondu defends. "Now that you have Peter, let me go!"

Kraglin glares at him.

Then he jumps up and drop kicks the trash can as hard as he can, making sure it falls over.

"Fuck both of you."

"Angry sex is the best kind of sex, Krag."

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of my stupid mind and some shameless tumblr chatting with my good ol pal :)  
> (By chatting I mean I put stuff in her askbox and we both found it funny)
> 
> PETER IS A JEALOUS LITTLE SHIT  
> he put his own brother and sister in to the garbage,,,  
> wow.  
> And Yondu is a bad dad


End file.
